He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I didn't notice because vodka
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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