Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
