i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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