Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
