yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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