we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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