I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize