OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She told me I should be a condom model.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
