Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
