Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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