yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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