I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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