im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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