I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
