you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
