i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
