This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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