He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
