Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
