He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
3 2 1 whiskey
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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