i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
