All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
These tits shall not be calmed
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
