I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
