you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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