yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
wakey wakey hands off snakey
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
