So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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