My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
50% drunk capacity currently
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
