Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
