There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
