he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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