1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
