just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
