I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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