I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize