its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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