when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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