even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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