I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
