ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
