even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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