i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
