I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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