the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
