I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
