Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
