if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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