Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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