You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
