If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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