That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
