it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Your penis caused this!
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