I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
