I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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