i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
