what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This baby is an asshole
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
