my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
