the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
