she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
