He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
