chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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