I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
