Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
