I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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