In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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