my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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