Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize