im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
