and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
