I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
