Where did you get a picture of my penis
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
