Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
