is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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