My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it's like heaven, but drunker
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
