my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
