God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
