You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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