Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
