Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
