Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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