she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
