He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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