She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
