How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
