It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
