Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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