I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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