Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
