What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
