who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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