meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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