I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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